5 lessons I learned from Jewel on resilience, healing + hope
Confession: I am in a Jewel phase. And I’m not talking about precious stones, I’m talking about Jewel — singer, author, mother, humanitarian and all around wisdom powerhouse. A queen of 90’s and early 00’s hits like “You Were Meant for Me”, “Who Will Save Your Soul” and “Hands”, she is beautiful, intelligent and resilient. I’ve always been fond of her and grew up listening to her music, but after watching her podcast interview, reading her biography Never Broken and watching her speak at a wellness conference, I admire her even more.
First, I highly recommend reading her book. If you’re like me and love non-fiction that reads like fiction, Jewel’s biography will be right up your alley. Spoiler Alert: From growing up on an Alaskan homestead, moving out at age 15, foraging for herself, to paving her own way in the music industry while being homeless, negotiating the biggest back-end record contract of her time just to later discover her estranged-but-back-in-her-life mother stole $100 million dollars from her and left her $3 million in debt (!!!) plus so many jaw-dropping stories in between, it’s truly unreal. She writes about her intense + fascinating life with stories on love, loss, mental resilience, and deep rooted healing and I finished her book not only in awe, but inspired to be more resilient in my own life.
So today, I’d love to share 5 lessons I learned from Jewel in hopes they might encourage you, too!
Lesson #1: Hardwood grows slowly. She talks about this a lot. Trees that grow fast can tip over and be uprooted easily when storms blow in. But the deep rooted, large trees that have grown slowly over time, ring by ring are able to remain strong and withstand storms well. Throughout her life, she discovered the opposite of being brittle is being able to bend, but not break. “Be thoughtful about the shape you want to grow into and be mindful that there is no shortcut to strength and character. Slow growth means thoughtful growth. Thoughtful growth means conscious growth. We are made like trees with our roots firmly planted in the ground, and if we can see we are built to bend and give, then the winds of life will pass through our branches without breaking us.” 🪵
Lesson #2: Find the antidote, flip the switch + retrain your brain. This is the idea that we can identify lies or negative thought patterns in our brains and begin to starve them and replace them with an antidote thought - the truth. Start with one at a time. “Create a light switch in your mind and when you have a disruptive or damaging thought, intervene by flipping the switch and replacing it with a thought that is in line with your true goals and values. Repeat the thoughts you want to have often enough until the habit creates its own momentum, forming new neural pathways in your brain. With time, the habitual effect becomes second nature, and you become a much more positive person who is able to create change in the moment.” She talks more about this in the video below. 🧠
Lesson #3: Brilliant Resilience. Part of being resilient means acknowledging that our souls cannot be broken. We are not teacups. We don’t need to work on fixing ourselves as much as we need to focus on exhuming ourselves. “Engage in a loving archaeological dig back to yourself. Let all that is not yours within you fall away until only your real nature remains. You are trusting. You are loving. You are worthy. You are joyful. Only you know when you are being true to the small and quiet voice that whispers from your soul. We don’t always make the right choices but we always have another chance to make a better choice.”
She mentions quite a few times how we can’t fix what we aren’t willing to see. We must practice seeing with clear eyes before we can exercise our power to affect meaningful change in our lives. “Don’t compare yourself to what’s popular. Greatness is never achieved by trying to imitate the greatness of another. Greatness is chipping away at all that does not belong to you and then expressing yourself so truly that others can’t help but recognize it. It is in silence that we discover ourselves. If falling short of our goals is truly what terrifies us, then we should do away with half measures. The notion that dipping a toe in the water somehow protects us is nothing short of fear propagation — and in fact guarantees the hurt we fear. Be bold. Name what you want. Give it voice and then give it action. Success is not guaranteed but commitment and courage are the only insurance we have. Half measures dictated by fear are the only things that can make us look foolish. Show your heart and try your hardest.” 🤍
Lesson #4: Forgiveness + letting go of what doesn’t serve you. In her book, she talks a lot about those in her life whom she had to forgive — her abusive father, a boss who didn’t pay her because she wouldn’t sleep with him (which led to her not being able to make rent and ending up homeless (!!!), and her mother who betrayed her, deceived her and manipulated her in ways I can’t even fathom. Instead of letting that hurt fester and dominate her life, she did the hard work of the heart work.
“Make a commitment to choose happiness over anger, love over pain. Let go of hurt and resentment. Let go of what weighs you down. The cup is half full and half empty simultaneously. Your reality will be defined by which you choose. People often confuse forgiveness with condonation. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you condone or approve of what they did. Forgiveness is not for the other person at all. It has nothing to do with whether they deserve it or not. Forgiveness is an act of self-love. The best revenge really, is a life well lived. While fantasizing about all kinds of revenge was fun for a while, I realized it would only perpetuate what I wanted to be free of, and it would keep me from healing. My advice to anyone struggling is don’t let yourself be abused twice. First by the act committed against you, and second by believing it has ruined your ability to experience happiness, trust or love. Forgive someone who has hurt you so they may receive that gift, and more importantly because it is the scissor that cuts the cord that binds you together. Forgiveness allows you to release anger. Carrying anger with you is like lighting your own house on fire to get rid of rats. The rats run to safety while you burn yourself down. Forgive. Let go. Heal.” 🩹
Lesson #5: From nothing something always comes. During many anxious moments where she was uncertain about proximal things like where her next meal would come from, and distal things like wanting to live and be happy, she spent a lot of time watching bodies of water. She noted that as sure as the current goes out, it always, always comes back in. She applied that same principle to her own life, acknowledging that if she could just get through each day, each moment, things would always turn around and change. “If you can get comfortable with the concept that from nothing something will come, if you can learn to let go of control, you can engage and be part of the life unfolding in front of you.” You have to have faith [even when things seem dire], that something is always around the bend. 🌊
Gah, aren’t these so good?! If you don’t want to read the book, you can listen to the audiobook version that she narrates. Additionally, you can catch the more summarized yet rambly story of her life on Joe Rogan’s podcast (note: there is quite a bit of language and off-topic tangents in there not about her life) AND you should definitely watch her inspiring talk at the Wisdom 2.0 conference below. She has an amazing and incredibly inspiring story to tell and I hope you take away a few nuggets to add to your own resilience repertoire for the days ahead. 🪕♥
